Thetawaves

I’ve been on a real Silent Hill/Lovecraft-ian kick lately.   Not exactly sure why, but comparing the two is interesting.  Silent Hill is more sad and melancholy with moments of Holy Shit (TM) and Lovecraft is more Holy Shit (TM) with moments of sadness and melancholy.  The thing about Silent Hill is that the atmosphere and story, particularly the music, really draw me in.  I find myself listening to a playlist of about 40 Silent Hill songs on repeat, and they just get into me and pull me in further.  For example, Alex’s theme from SH:Homecoming…
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/additem/737433361
really draws me in.

I got the comic collection they did for SH a while ago.  It was actually really good.  Had some excellent artwork (It was funny because I read it right after watching the Deadspace animated comic, and I was like, oh, Hello again Ben Templesmith - he really is good), and a surprisingly well put together story in the end.  I’d really recommend it to anyone who’s enjoyed the series.

So, anyways, with my recent kick, I’ve been going back and playing through the old games again, and it’s amazing the amount of detail and foresight that went into planning and laying out the stories.  It’s funny, because the survivial horror part has really just become a vehicle for me in terms of getting to the next story cut-scene.  Spaces of creepy awesomeness punctuated by moments of abject terror fighting.  Actually, now that I think about it, F.E.A.R. did a pretty good job of that too, but with a FPS (that game continues to grow on me over time, still have to play the sequel).

Regardless, I still have to finish SH:Homecoming.  I can just barely make progress on it tho, because I start playing and certain things trigger a complete fear reaction in me, so I end up mortally dreading the next turn or opening a door.  It makes Maureen laugh, because she’ll ask my why I play when I’m so terrified and my only response is because I enjoy it

Been working crazy number of hours, non-stop.  Plus wedding planning and gym makes life crazy.  At some point I will eventually getting around to making this useful… sometime soon ™.

It's funny, I don't normally care so much about the change in seasons.  They just come and go, only impacting me as far as what clothes I have to wear to be comfortable or if I need to do the odd bit of shovelling.  Surprisingly though, this year I'm really looking forward to spring.  What really got my thinking about it is that soon I'll be able to go fishing again and how I need to get my gear out and ready and what have you.  Maybe it's a little silly but for some reason it's really got me looking forward to the cool mornings by the water leading to the lazy afternoons, just sitting in the woods for hours not doing anything but trying to avoid catching fish.  I wonder if this is how people normally feel.  The most excited I normally get is looking forward to the nice cold breezes of autumn to break the heat of summer.

I guess in alot of ways it reflects my views of time passing in general.  Every year passes at I'm like WTF where did that go, but I don't really care in any grand sense.  This year was a bit more surprising to me than most when my birthday rolled around, as turning 24 is the number directly preceding 25.  My goal has always been to retire at 30 so I can spend the rest of my time with wife/kids, and I realize that the deadline draws near.  I still think it's easily possible and that I can do it roughly then (plus or minus a year), but the impetus has begun to set upon me.  Kind of like when I had to actually take an exam I'd cram for two days beforehand and actually manage a good grade (I still don't know how I managed to get a B in mechanics without showing up for class even once).

In that vein I picked up a book on the CompTIA A+ certification today and I'm about to delve into it, plus I ordered a reference book for VC++ to refresh myself, and I'm working my way through an actionscript reference and fine tuning those skills.  I figure even if I don't use the certifications I plan on getting on a regular basis they at least look good on my resume, plus if I need to get a temporary job doing some bullshit like that while working towards my real goals then all's the better.

I missed the ides of march this year, god #@!$it.  Seasons change and we'll see what goes around with it, back to the grindstone.

It’s funny, I don’t normally care so much about the change in seasons. They just come and go, only impacting me as far as what clothes I have to wear to be comfortable or if I need to do the odd bit of shovelling. Surprisingly though, this year I’m really looking forward to spring. What really got my thinking about it is that soon I’ll be able to go fishing again and how I need to get my gear out and ready and what have you. Maybe it’s a little silly but for some reason it’s really got me looking forward to the cool mornings by the water leading to the lazy afternoons, just sitting in the woods for hours not doing anything but trying to avoid catching fish. I wonder if this is how people normally feel. The most excited I normally get is looking forward to the nice cold breezes of autumn to break the heat of summer. I guess in alot of ways it reflects my views of time passing in general. Every year passes at I’m like WTF where did that go, but I don’t really care in any grand sense. This year was a bit more surprising to me than most when my birthday rolled around, as turning 24 is the number directly preceding 25. My goal has always been to retire at 30 so I can spend the rest of my time with wife/kids, and I realize that the deadline draws near. I still think it’s easily possible and that I can do it roughly then (plus or minus a year), but the impetus has begun to set upon me. Kind of like when I had to actually take an exam I’d cram for two days beforehand and actually manage a good grade (I still don’t know how I managed to get a B in mechanics without showing up for class even once). In that vein I picked up a book on the CompTIA A+ certification today and I’m about to delve into it, plus I ordered a reference book for VC++ to refresh myself, and I’m working my way through an actionscript reference and fine tuning those skills. I figure even if I don’t use the certifications I plan on getting on a regular basis they at least look good on my resume, plus if I need to get a temporary job doing some bullshit like that while working towards my real goals then all’s the better. I missed the ides of march this year, god #@!$it. Seasons change and we’ll see what goes around with it, back to the grindstone.

Shouldn't the saying really be about idle minds? Interesting week, things happened so that I didn't really get to jot down my thoughts at many points.

Warren Ellis' Reuter's commentary finally seduced me into the dark pact that is a SecondLife account. Not that Philip Rosedale is necessarily Satan, but anything that gives you such a complete universe to express your alter-ego seems like it should inherently detract from my
essence in some fashion. However, having arrived in world, I “played” through the intro tutorial and promptly got ported to the nearest infohub where my video card shit the bed. Yay. After switching out to a different card I got back in and began my explorations, which were varied and interesting… let me summarize my findings.

There's ALOT of sex. I mean, good god. Sometimes you forget how 80% of the internet, but this is evident in second life. Not that there isn't an enormous amount of content that doesn't make me feel like a perv, but an internet browser doesn't usually walk around chatting at you with a foot long dong hanging out or be in a room having fellatio when you turn the corner. Some of my first forays were simply exploring the most popular areas in-world, which consisted of only 1 out of 20 not being some sort of strip club, adult toy store, or other form of escort service. Granted I came away with some interesting free loot, but it was still disappointing in a kind of grand philisophical way. Not that I should be surprised, but the fact that given a literal universe that's completely customizable the first building on the block is a porno shop makes some part of me sad.

That being said, the sky no longer being the limit some people have acted out some unique things. Flying about the world is kind of lying being Jasper Morello, but with loading zones. Of course I hit up the weapons combat area, which was chock full of some of the most humorous and disgusting things I've seen in a bit. The launcher that propels blades that slice of the victims head and limbs, who then rolls around screaming bleeding everywhere for a good few minutes, I thought was exceedingly inventive. However I must admit that I did buy a giant mech from somewhere and proceeded to blast people to little pieces. That was refreshing.

Overall, it's not something I'm going to be spending a significant amount of time on, more of a casual log-in and explore attitude. I just don't have the inclination to sit between a furry and an anime escort chatting about inane things. There are plenty of people IRL that want to attack me with their blatherings. Which leaves me looking for some of the more interesting builds and experiments people are running which, while the number is growing, is relegated to the vast minority for now. We'll see.

I went to buy a Wii on Friday night during the blizzard(?), but Best Buy didn't have one. That was mightily annoying… I think I deserved to get one just for getting my ass there and wanting to spend a wad of cash. I settled for buying a new case for my laptop and playing Guitar Heros for half an hour (Coming to 360 April 7th!). I also had a visit from a Jehova's Witness today by the name of Sean Green, which was surprising but awesome.

Also, I just bought tickets to Celtic Woman here in Boston in June, YAY. Maureen, her mother, and I are all going, w00t.

I don't know, I feel like I had more meaningful things to say, but after ranting about second life and watching some of Young Frankenstein, I don't know where my head's at. Peace out Ya'll.

Question for you all, between a Wii and a PS3, the correct answer is a Wii, yes? Also, is FFXII worth buying? I've fended off it this long in the hopes that I'll be able to borrow it off a co-worker when she's done with it, but the other option is to rent it. But then I have to finish it within 30 days (altho realistically, if I don't finish it within 30 days, I probably won't ever, and it makes for a good impetus to actually do it).

The stock market always makes me laugh. It's a self-fulfilling system that's not tied to anything in reality. Honestly, other than dividends and company takeovers I've yet to figure out why any particular stock is worth any particular amount of money.

Anyways, rants aside, I bring this up because of 401k's. Now, perhaps I am a complete tool, but whenever I work for somebody, one of the first things I start doing is investing in the company 401k. If not for the company matching, then for no other reason than it makes a nice little tax shelter. Just days before the -500 dow drop I was looking at my 401k being up 3% for the year and feeling very satisfied that I was investing in my future, doing something responsible, and just all around making a wise choice. Of course, being 24, I had invested in funds that were almost 100% stock, split 2/3 domestic and 1/3 international investments, so when the shit hit the fan, I watched it go from 3% to -1% in a matter of days. Now, I know this is only temporary and I'm not really worried about it because 401k's are a sound idea either way, but it kind of bothers me.

Maybe I'm just naive and mixing physics concepts in weird ways with money, but I tend to think of this as a big system. The system requires an input of money, and with money, it does work to create MORE money. Now, I'm completely cool with the concept of the result being 0, because sometimes things are at metaphorical right angles, but the concept of inputting money and getting LESS money seems antithetical to the whole process and somehow a violation to the laws of the universe. It puts me in a state where I expect to be able to walk through walls, particles to travel faster than light, and other things that tend to give the universe the kind of headache that can only end in an apocalypse.

The worst part is that when you think about it, this kind of negative work is done all the time. Say you put your money in the bank, you expect to earn interest right? Well, if you keep it in a checking or only low yielding savings account, you're actually losing money because inflation is growing faster than your money.

Which makes me apply this concept to this other matters. If money is equatable to goods, then it means that I can have 5 sheep, and just because I have the sheep from moment to moment, I somehow now only have 4.9 sheep. But how the hell can I have 4.9 sheep without having a nice meal or SOMETHING.

I'm not exactly sure what the point of all of this is, other than I have this sense of being robbed, and I have this nagging doubt that a black hole or other form of financial cacodemon is responsible. Maybe this is why they used to BURN moneylenders.

I bought a laptop last night. Good stuff. Comes with Windows Vista on it tho. Dunno if any of you have fiddled with that yet, but my first impression is that it's very nice to look at, but I don't really get what's fundamentally different other than I need to buy another 1gig stick of ram than the one that came with the machine just because the OS is a frikkin RESOURCE HOG. Plus, the windows gadgets are nice, but almost completely non-customizable. I don't know, but I may easily be dumping it for XP very soon.

Dreams are a funny thing.  I tend to either have the most lucid dreams that have huge plots and amazing things occuring, or completely immemorable ones.  I remember as a child one of my favorite dreams was a very realistic dream of being in Winnie the Pooh’s Hundred Acre Wood.  I used to concentrate on Pooh when I went to sleep and it would trigger the dream.  There’s probably something poignant there, but we’ll skip the child psych.

Nowadays, my dreams tend to be of a more… distinctive nature.  Something in the style of Neil Gaiman or The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello (I always thought Jasper was a good name).  Often I think they’d make quite remarkable and enjoyable stories to flesh out and write, but I’m hindered by two factors.  The first being that I tend to put off starting something if I don’t have a good grasp on how to accomplish it, which is simply stupid as often you can’t even figure out HOW to accomplish the task until you start.  The second being that turning dreams into stories seems so… cliche.

Regardless, I’ve resolved to start writing two stories.  The first is a short story that I’ve had in my head for a couple months now about a man leading two lives, literally.  When he sleeps he awakes as the same person, but in a completely different existence.  Then upon returning to sleep awakes in the first life again.  The second being a long kind of elaborate story in the style of wonderland meets dune that’s tripping on a strong dose of neverending story.  I don’t know how to better describe it at this point.  I figure if I just start writing them the words will write themselves, it’s the getting started that’s the hard part for me.

In that vein, I started work on a new flash project this past weekend.  A simple asteroids clone, but I like it.  I spent like 5-6ish hours on it and I’ve got all the basic mechanics down, firing, asteroids, levels, etc etc.  I just need to fine tune some of the things and work on the start and end game screens and it’s basically done.  It felt really good to get the processes going making headway.  Maureen wants me to do a Galaga clone next, which sounds like alot of fun, so I’ll probably give it a go.

Had my birthday this past weekend.  Turned 24.  I feel… not old, but weary and dismayed.  Dreams I haven’t accomplished, things I’ve meant to do.  I feel like there’s a giant timeline of my life and there were supposed to be those checks along the way where I accomplished X, but it never friggin happened.  Of course it’s my own fault… part of my, not New Year’s per se but simply, New Resolution is to start more things that are positive and stop more of those things that are negative.  Whether they work out in the end who gives a damn, but I should at least be trying.

Dreams.

- Addendum - I’ve read 25 of Terry Pratchett’s discworld novels so far.  I just ordered the last 5 or 6 that are left unread.  I’m not sure what I’m going to do when I’m out.

Greetings programs.  This is the blogosphere.  You have been warned.